First in the morning.

This fall weather and the promise of a beautiful winter has made me so happy.

Sure there's days like today when I sleep in and then regret it for the loss of productivity, but then there's also days when just the cold autumn air makes everything okay.

Productivity can sometimes become a god.  If you serve it all day you feel good, and if you don't you feel like you could have done better. I don't think that's healthy, because there is only one God, and he's not productivity.

I do however want to learn to not be so lazy, to take better care of my things, and to be more accountable. These are preschool lessons, but I'm 20 and I still have to learn them.

(The other day someone asked me how old I was and it was the first time I literally forgot. Remember when you were little and you asked your grandma how old grandpa was and she'd say. "well let's see, he was born in '39 so..." that's what I felt like. I said, "23, no wait, 21, no sorry, I'm 20 and I can't believe I forgot that.")

I had a dream that I was part of this weird cult. It was super scary, because the main guy could kill you if you didn't obey, and what's creepiest about it is that when I finally did escape with a few of the other girls, we tried calling home from our cellphones, and the sound when they picked up was in the same bathroom as us... Meaning the creepy cult leader had programed our phones to only call his phone some how and he was somewhere in the same bathroom (with multiple stalls) as us. When I finally did get a hold of my parents, they didn't believe it was me and told me to leave them alone, because it had been so long and they thought I was dead. Bad dream.

There's some first in the morning thoughts for you. I hope to have a God-centered day that doesn't rely on productivity for fufillment (but at the same time, I still want to get things done).

Have a good day!
Peace.