misty

Misty.
When my hair is dotted with little drops of water walking from the car to the house to the store to the bedroom.

My life has changed in the past month that I haven't written.
(changing changing changing changing changing)

Have you ever looked in the mirror on a particularly self conscious day and realized something about yourself that you never noticed? Then, for the next little while, you obsess about that thing, making it more than it is, letting it take you. Now when you look in the mirror all you see is that. The thing you never knew before that one day when you were feeling particularly self conscious.

I like being comfortable. I like my clothes to be comfortable and neato. I like to have time to lounge, read, sip, etc. I like watching the rain. I like sitting in my big chair and listening to "It Hurts to Be in Love," super loudly and focusing on not moving or thinking for the entire song.

I can trick myself into thinking that there's this huge part of me that wants to travel, to pursue a financially stable career, to own a Marc Jacobs piece, but that's just like looking in the mirror and seeing a tiny thing that takes over.

I know myself. I know who God gave me. I love my identity in him. I'm still learning more, and always will be, but why trick myself into believing something else along the way.

The world is good at that, tricking people.

I love knowing that I'm not surrounded by a concrete jungle that never sleeps.
I love knowing that there is extreme beauty almost everywhere I look.
I love my friends and family.
I love Kuma.
I love pursuing my dreams and not being afraid of them being too small.

All I want is a comfortable home, a loving husband, beautiful kids, beautiful friends, close family, to teach piano, and to pursue my art through the Holy Spirit (wherever that leads me). There's other things too, but these are my dreams.

Sometimes we're forced to dream bigger, but I really want to be a mom.
Sometimes we're forced to make more money, but I want to teach.
Sometimes we're forced into stability, but I want to make art.

more later.

p.s I had a dream that Zooey and Cady were opening a sushi bar, and I got to meet Zooey and she had braces.